Honoring Mothers & Daughters Mother and Daughter Photography mothers and Daughters

The second thing you notice as they come in the front door is just how smoothly they flow as a unit. Not a ripple. Not a ruffle. Not so much as a whimper from 6 month old daughter Emilia. A stark contrast to the hurry-up, stifle-the-screaming-kid, late-again, stuck-in-traffic chaos many contemporary families endure.

 

“Tradition” comes-up right away as new mother, Tricia, explains how after being unable to have their own biological child, she and her husband sat down and made a list of what they wanted to pass on. In doing so, they learned that their family traditions and family gatherings are much more important than having a child who looks just like them.

 

It’s clear how, for her, this is an act of giving rather than getting. Tricia goes on to tell a story of how timing and fate and the divine all conspired to bring them baby Emilia. Against all odds and beyond all adoption probabilities. She begins to weave… 

 

“My mother is the family historian, family singer, the real matriarch… the family storyteller. She makes everything grounded with stories. My Mom is an angel on Earth.” Before I’m able to ask the next question, she proceeds “ Telling stories is what we do together. It’s repetitive and predictable in a good way… It’s reassuring, like the rhythm of the rosary.” It’s evident she feels very supported by this connection. 

 

“I am most myself when I am connected with the long lines of people before me. It works for me to feel connected and I don’t feel limited by it. My future doesn’t have to be exactly like all my ancestors. I’m connected, yet it’s flexible… it’s a solid thread that goes back and forth… it’s strong yet bendable.” Each time I assume she’s done, I’m wrong, and she continues. I can’t help but feel grateful for this spontaneously in-depth schooling.

 

“You don’t want to cut it. It’s not forgiving. When you drop your thread, you disconnect yourself from all that supports you.” In turn, she pays it forward: “I can’t do this without a mass of people behind me who got me where I am. And so it’s not all about me. I want to pass it to whoever I continue to touch. Our family passes it on through the oral tradition. Stories.”

 

Sitting and listening, I flash to how my ancestors scattered when they hit the shores of North America and have continued to do so every generation since. Simultaneously, I can feel her steadiness in knowing that she and her husband won’t be raising Emilia by themselves. Another contrast. I begin to muse about the lives of scouts and explorers until Tricia finds her own conclusion “This is me. The world can’t sway me as if I was a single strand blowing in the wind. I’m connected. There’s strength in that.” It’s evident that this degree of support allows for her lineage to thrive rather than just survive.

 

I watch as Grandma Pat places baby Emilia back into her mother’s arms. I note that Emilia still hasn’t fussed or cried… even in the absence of her Mama. Long before being able to walk or talk, she feels the steadfastness that sustains her and knows, simply knows that it’s all going to be alright.

 

 Next, I get to interview the Matriarch!

 

“I was lucky to know two of my great grandmothers and one of my great, great grandmothers. They all lived into their nineties, so I was fortunate to experience all of them giving me some love and security. As part of an extended family, they considered themselves family women and their lives were given to everyone in the family, not just their own husbands and children.”

 

“Just like the old saying ‘It takes a village to raise a child,’ we lived in a village of sorts. Growing up on Staten Island, I knew that I could knock on any number of doors and be greeted by caring Irish relatives, if need be.”  Realizing that she was never alone made a lasting impression. Not only as a sometimes vulnerable child but also as a responsible family woman herself. 

 

She has been a force in the lives of her many nieces and nephews. “As a mother and aunt myself, I knew not to circumvent their parents’ wishes. We all do this for each other. In our family, it’s both Mommy and Daddy who are responsible for raising a child. Men are not just worker bees here to bring home the paycheck. We also respect greatly the men who’ve been to war.”

 

Gram Pat’s eyes sparkle a bit as she recalls a quote from her own father about dating. I can tell she still reveres him as she gives us a glimpse of herself in storyteller mode: 

 

        Choose a date that will make a good mate.

 

        Choose a mate that will get you to heaven’s gate.

 

How inspiring to witness women who recognize their support came from an entire clan and that their responsibility is, likewise, to all its members. Another stark contrast in this “Me, Me, Me” culture. Never needing or wanting all the credit, they gladly pass it on. How refreshing to hear contemporary women voice their appreciation for men as well.

 

It’s evident that this familial formula truly works for all of its family members. Yet, in these fast-paced times, family fragmentation, the desire to be independent, and geographic relocation for jobs are considered the norm. What is it about this particular family that keeps them so intact? I suspect there’s something more going on here… in a good way. This degree of cohesion requires something more to win-over and keep its members coming back. What might that be?

 

It’s not only wisdom and childcare being passed on. A loving response to a loving invitation is voluntary. The family system must be good for everyone to make them want to participate fully. I’m wondering what that ingredient might be just as Pat says “Loving Respect means knowing that we impact each other, that we have a responsibility to others, even how we impact their feelings.” Her now grown daughter, Tricia, says  “It’s the over-riding sense of love from both parents that keeps you wanting more.”

 

Gram Pat, Mama Tricia, and Baby Emilia haven’t even departed yet and I already know I’ll miss them, what they offer each other, and the positive influence they bring to so many lives. Having seen, firsthand, the sense of safety it instills in their new baby and the confidence it instills in her new mother, I’m spontaneously uplifted in having been made privy to an ancient code that makes life better for, not just a few, but for all who come in contact with this family.

 

The world needs this kind of inclusion. Sorely. Seeing how this clan’s legacy is their map to living a full, happy, and meaningful life, I note how their faith is the thread that runs throughout the fabric. Tina says “It’s like a manual… for what’s healthy, for what’s helpful.”

 

When Tina and I set out on this mission to explore and capture the relationship unique to mothers and daughters, we hoped to uncover the thread that invisibly weaves one generation to the next.  After only one round of photo shoots, we’ve been given a live demonstration and guided tour of just that... and so much more.  When we least expected it.

 

We were following a thread and it led us all the way back to the loom, the spinners, the carders, and the weavers (past and present) who, together and sometimes behind the scenes, support mothers to support daughters in a way that works… tangibly works.

 

Thank you Pat, Tricia, and Emilia for that gift.  Thanks for your graciousness. Thank you for inviting us behind the scenes of your personal lives. Thanks for giving us a taste of what makes your lives meaningful. Thank you for leaving us inspired and reassured in knowing that there is, indeed, something good happening here on the planet that is, ultimately, good for us all.  Ongoingly so.

 

POST SCRIPT: In case you are wondering… The first thing you notice when they arrive is Gram Pat’s red shoes. “I love to wear red shoes,” she quips nonchalantly. She beams as she says it and, having witnessed the positive fruits of her decision-making,  I can only assume that the red shoes, too, are part of her mother/daughter legacy… much like a signature on an artful life well lived. One steeped in wisdom and demonstrated daily through one selfless act of giving after another.  As they depart, I can’t help but notice how her red shoes seem to encapsulate the entirety of who she is, of who they are, of all things mother and daughter.

 

Bill McDonald > January 2014 > www.HonoringMothersAndDaughters.com